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I’ve always been a computer gal. The feeling of hearing those simple sounds and limited color choices in kidpix or microsoft paint. those were the days.

I just made this Color Field Portrait based on a favorite book of mine, Thought Forms. It takes your portrait and gives you a color reading. Try it and send me yours!!

Art Ball is the name/umbrella for all my different projects. It’s been unfolding for 6 years and lately it’s felt more in the forefront of my mind.

So the past few days I’ve been thinking about a logo for it. For some reason my brain would not let me create anything branded or designed. But, I always kind of lock up around doing my own graphic design.

Every time I’d sit down to start mocking some things up I would end up drawing something like this haha. Just pure inner rebellion!

Apparently that’s where we were headed.

So after another morning of trying to make a “real” logo and ending up with this instead...

I decided to follow the thread.

I started digging through my folders from past projects to see if that would spark an idea. I kept getting pulled toward simple shapes, color blocks, hypercolor gradients, and freeform expression.

I start blending pieces of my artwork together in Midjourney.

It’s such a cool feeling to see your own drawings transformed into something unexpected while somehow keeping the original feeling. It feels less like technology and more like imagination extending itself. A playful conversation.

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These were making me smile. So loose, colorful, surreal…Exactly how Art Ball feels to me.

So then I thought, great! I’m gonna redraw some of these and finally make that logo!!

But when I started drawing them in Procreate, they lost some of the magic. They were too crisp. too clean. hmmmm.

So I pivoted.

I start cutting out my favorite letters and shapes in Photoshop and copying and pasting them into a Google Deck. Shoutout Object Selection tool.

Now these are sparking a looooot of joy. YES YES YES.

I make pages and pages of them. Not caring if they’re perfectly cut out, or that some look lo-res. I just want to have fun. It’s Saturday!

I start piecing some Art Ball letters together. I realized I didn’t put any T’s in the deck so I just get creative with what I have in there. A fun challenge.

I create about 10 of them and make a gif for my header. Art Ball is all about the process and expression, so this is the perfect logo for today.

While I was making those I was thinking wow it would be so fun to see what other people make for this “logo”. My dream is that Art Ball becomes a community playground. Maybe some of you draw it. Or make your own sticker collage. Or really anything you want. A no rules group project!!

Soooo, I made this deck. Want to make one? It would make me so happy.

Art Ball 4ever.

Thanks for being here, xoxo
Bri

It’s essentially a 90-second color tool I use if I’m ever feeling anxious, overwhelmed or having pain in my body.

Over 1500 people tried it yesterday and 73% reported positive shifts, which I thought was so cool!!

I’ve been developing this over the past few years to help me with difficult feelings and now it’s real and available for you to try too!

You can try it out here: Do the Dots

If you want to learn about some backstory of creating this tool, that’s over here.

You can save your feelings Dot card for the day too.

My real goal is to help people feel relief because anxiety and overwhelm suck to live with and we all deserve relief xoxo

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Lots of love,
Bri

OH!! I vibe coded this kidpix inspired leave me a note section on my site and I love them so much…go have fun :)

I wanted to find safety in my body. Authentic expression. Creativity for no reason.

It’s been humbling in the truest sense of the word. A slow unraveling of who I thought I needed to be. It’s been confusing and magical and deeply uncomfortable at times. But something in me knew to keep going.

I know what it’s like to reach a point where something inside of you wants to come out or change, but it feels cemented and stuck. I know what it’s like to feel emotionally overwhelmed and exhausted from constantly trying to “feel better.”

I know what it’s like to need help and not even know how to ask for it. Or what you even need.

Somewhere along the way, I started wondering…

What if healing could feel more like an art class?

More imagination. More beauty. More play. More colorful.

I was tired of endlessly rehashing my story. I wanted to experiment with it. To move it around. To approach myself differently and see if there was another way through.

Out of pure necessity, I slowly began developing my own bag of tricks.

When I felt overwhelmed or panicked, I would Do the Dots.

I created imagination exercises, drawing practices, AI shadow work journeys, and many other strange little creative experiments that helped me through a very hard time.

So what’s it like working with me 1:1?

It’s a collaborative creative space where we gently explore your inner world in a more abstract, imaginative, and artful way. No art experience is needed. We focus on expression, curiosity, emotional safety, and process over perfection.

Together, we create a small bubble of permission to experiment, reconnect, and see what wants to express.

I’m opening a few spots in June.

If you’d like to work together, you can book a session here.

Use code CREATE for 20% off until June 6.

Most sessions are online, but I’m also open to select in-person sessions in New York. If that interests you, feel free to reach out at bri@briemery.com

And I recently updated my website if you’d like to explore more of my work.

Lots of love,

Bri

I wanted to share more in depth here about it, along with a creativity workshop I recently led on processing emotions using creativity. I go over some of my daily practices, getting through creative blocks, and talk about the science of art and beauty! You can watch the full video below.

Ps don’t miss their very generous discount below for you all. So cool!

This was my first time doing psychedelics in a group setting, so I was a bit nervous but also really excited to try it out. You spend a few weeks preparing and getting to know the group online, which is nice and made it comfortable. I feel like I was able to go deeper because you’re surrounded by so many safe people who are going into the depths together.

It was wild to see a group of people from all over the world totally light UP by the end of the 5 days. Bigger smiles, relaxed bodies, there was just more ease in all of us. The effects were so clear.

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We did two mushroom ceremonies while we were there, with one day to integrate in between. It’s cool because you do a different mushroom strain each time, and the two experiences felt completely different from one another.

Beforehand you work with a facilitator to figure out a dosage that feels right for you, and everyone takes a different amount. For some, it was their first time trying psychedelics so they would begin at a lower dose to test it out. They also offer boosters during so you can increase as you go.

The first ceremony I took 5 grams (4g + 1g booster). Since I had done mushrooms before, with 4g being the most I had previously taken, I felt ready to try more.

Above is the tent you take the mushrooms in. We each had our own mats, you can see them stacked up in the back of the photo. When it’s not raining the tent is open and the view is so gorgeous. Tropical flowering trees, endless mountains.

That first session it was pouring raining outside and the whole experience felt more internal, slow, quiet. I saw beautiful imagery in my mind’s eye and felt such a calm relaxed feeling in my body. I remember thinking: please don’t ever forget this feeling.

The day in between you go to the beach or get a massage and just chill out. The food is all homemade and so delicious. Nature walks, light movement, easy breezy.

The morning before the second ceremony I had a session with Elizabeth where I was explaining some of my childhood trauma to her and how no matter what I tried I couldn’t get this looming scary feeling to go away. She understood and basically told me, “You can bury this in the hills of Jamaica tonight.”

Goosebumps.

Ok, let’s do this.

The second ceremony I did 7 grams (5g plus a 2g booster). I was nervous to take that high of a dose, but I just figured this was the place to do it.

This evening felt way more energetic. More upbeat music, people walking around more, interacting with nature, laughing. It felt alive.

When the mushrooms started fully setting in after an hour or so, I had this deep knowing that something wanted to be released from my body. My legs specifically.

I called Mandi over to me, one of the facilitators who had such a warm grounded presence, and asked if she could help me move this out of my body. I didn’t know how.

She held onto my shoulders while I laid down on the mat and said to me, “Girl, you know exactly what to do,” with such confidence. It gave me the push. The permission.

I started kicking my legs while she held onto me, stronger each time, releasing all of this pent up anger, rage, and fight response that had never fully been able to move before.

I remember looking up at her, making sure it wasn’t too much, and giving her a look like, “hey, i’m still in here, i’m just doing this thing real quick, is that okay?” She nodded at me and told me to go all the way, baby. Don’t hold back.

A few new friends sat nearby smiling (as some others were off in their own dreamworlds not even noticing). One guy who felt like an older brother sat across the room from me and it felt like he was protecting me somehow. He had Mufasa ass energy that was so cool. I wasn’t embarrassed or shy. I was just ready to let that shit go.

A new friend later told me I gave her this “hold my beer” look right before I went into it and she knew I was about to do something necessary.

One of the male facilitators drummed around me as I kicked and after a couple minutes I felt my body completely drop, like I suddenly deflated. A grip on me loosened and I felt free.

I laid there while Mandi stroked my hair, I hummed to the music, and looked out at the mountains. It felt like my brain was reorganizing itself in real time. I can still remember it so vividly.

Later I found myself dancing and singing without a care in the world. It was such an incredible feeling.

I knew my life would be different after that moment. And it really is.

I have talked about my issues with anger and emotional reactivity, and this retreat is something that helped me SO much. My husband says he basically has a new wife, and honestly that makes me emotional because it’s not like I ever wanted to feel angry.

It just feels like I can live as the real me now. Without all the fear and defenses.

Like any psychedelic experience, not every moment is comfortable, but this retreat really gives you all the resources you need to go through what you need to go through.

20/10 recommend. The people, the food, the environment, the beach, the mushrooms, the care. Truly so worth it.

*They are offering such an amazing discount to you all too, which I love!
$750 off any retreat using the code BRAP-BRIE

I did the 5 day Signature one in Jamaica, but they have the Netherlands option and now a shorter 4 day version too. I was a bit hesitant about having a roommate because I just didn’t know what that would be like, but I loved it. I felt better doing it alongside someone and we could talk after or pep talk each other.

Anyway. One of the coolest experiences of my life.

I’m very grateful, and it felt nice to process some of it here.

Thanks for reading about it!!

This week I led a workshop (video above) all about how to use creativity to help process emotions and integrate psychedelic experiences. It’s so great to be linked up with Beckley on this since I had such a great trip with them.

What I go over in the workshop if you are interested:

• Your brain on art: What neuroaesthetics research tells us about how creative expression affects emotion, cognition, and neural flexibility

• The science of art and beauty: The science behind non-verbal processing and why some experiences need to be felt and formed, not just discussed

• Guided creative practices: Hands-on exercises you can try in real time, designed to be accessible regardless of artistic background or skill level

• Building a creative practice that lasts: How to make creativity a sustainable part of your daily life, not just a one-time exercise

I’m open to any questions you have in the comments!

Discount code: BRAP-BRIE for $750 off any retreat when you checkout.

Lots of love,

Bri

I find our unconscious behaviors so fascinating to learn about and notice. I’m also still so in shock that once you see a pattern very clearly, you still fall into it so quickly. so automatically. sometimes I will be inside “watching” this part of me crash out and it’s just too strong to stop. I’ve come to think of it as kinda funny. and very humbling :)

Have you ever noticed that after you have something really positive happens, you swing in the other direction quickly after?

Feelings of excitement, expansion, openness…

and then the alarm bells go off and boom, contraction.

I remember it happened to me when I got engaged, I felt so much joy and then weirdly depressed soon after. (fear of being so close to someone, don’t do well with change, even when it’s positive)

After an amazing guided mushroom journey, I felt so much happiness, it felt like I had a new brain! I don’t know if i’d ever felt that good other than my wedding day. The day after I woke up with sadness, overwhelm and anxiety. (it would get resolved soon after, more on that soon.)

It happened to me yesterday even. I did a creativity workshop I was really looking forward to, everything went great, there was kind feedback, a lot of engagement…but my mind started to pick on me almost immediately…You looked ugly. Not everyone watched it live. Nothing is going to come from that.

And there’s that contraction.

I see now it’s usually vulnerability and fear.

It feels like, oh no, don’t get too positive. don’t get too happy. don’t get your hopes up. pad yourself with reality. the fall is going to hurt more if you trust.

expand → panic → self-criticism → collapse → smallness → temporary safety

A familiar loop.

At least now I can be more aware of it. I noticed I was picking myself apart last night and just decided to go to bed early. I still felt that way this morning and just felt it, talked with justin about it, and then sat outside all emo with my coffee and just let it pass by.

I see that my body might just be wired this way, but it doesn’t have to always be like this.

With more awareness and understanding of these protector parts living inside of me, I can work with them. They can learn to trust and flow with the waves a little easier.

I just finished No Bad Parts (more on that here) and in the book he talks about how when he was stepping into his purpose his protector parts would basically sabotage or tear him down the whole way.

Those parts just want us to be loved, accepted by others, to belong. They have extreme beliefs that are almost never true. It’s comforting to know, but can still be hard to unwind from.

I am determined to keep working with these self-critical parts. It helps to process it here too.

Have you had this experience at all?

Lots of love,

Bri

trigger warning: child sexual abuse, please read when you feel safe and supported

I got hypnotized in 2021.

It was a few months after my repressed memories came up, and I was in a phase where I felt like I needed more of the story.

I was having a really hard time accepting that my dad could do something like this to me… even though it also felt so true in my body.

I couldn’t unsee or unfeel these memories.
The floodgates had been opened.

My denial was strong but my body was certain.

Our bodies hold onto things in a way the mind can’t always explain.
It’s wild.

I don’t remember how I found this hypnotist, I think a friend told me about him.
It was over the phone. I figured… why not.

When I opened my eyes, I remember I was standing in the corner of my room.
A completely different spot from where I started. My body had moved me there without me realizing it, which I found interesting.

The hypnosis did bring me back into the memory.

Not in a graphic way, but I was there.
In his bedroom. I was around five years old.

I’ve found, memory doesn’t work like a recording.
It’s more like reconstruction, the brain piecing things together from sensations, fragments, emotions.

I can only assume I was dissociating as a way of protection at that time, so I am sure there are whole sections I won’t ever remember.

But in that moment, it felt real. Like I was there.

I saw the white duvet with no cover.
The stiff grey carpet.
The curtains closed.
A sound he often made.
His large presence next to me on my left side.
I could even feel that we had been swimming, a flash of a pink bathing suit.

I knew where I was and how it felt.

A shame-filled, scary feeling.

Heart racing.
Frozen.

Everything felt very loud in my body, even though I was sitting safely in my room.

At a certain point, the hypnotist guided me out of the room using imagination.

He asked me where I wanted to go.

I said to the backyard. The lemon trees.

Just imagining the color of those giant lemons, and the spikey grass under my feet, it started to shift something.

My body was responding. It wanted me to keep going.

Then I saw his fish tank.

Blue and yellow fish moving slowly through the water.

I imagined I could go inside of it.
Feel the water on my skin.
Become small. Hidden. Safe.

I would later do a lot of this in EMDR and somatic work.

Basically remembering the scary feeling and updating my memory with new information.

Eventually, I imagined my grandma coming into the house and taking me out.

At first, I thought I had to stay inside his house.

But at five years old, my world was small. Options were limited.

Imagination helped me expand them.
Helped her understand there was a way out.
That she’s not 5, or in that room, or powerless anymore.

I could feel the physical relief from the lemons.
More space inside as I left the house and drove away.
My heart rate changing. Less panic.

Over time, I started bringing these imagined scenes into my creative practice.

I recently wrote about my process using midjourney over here.
But this was a great way to integrate these “new endings.”

It would give me such joy to see these new scenes that lived in my imagination, and bring them to life. Adding a new layer.

None of them had to look good, make sense, or even look like me! and they would still have surprising effects on my body. Goosebumps. Smiling. Tears. Relief. Playfulness.

Storytelling through my own psyche.

I could imagine flying away on a kite…

Having a magic bubble that surrounded and protected me…

Being able to beam light out of my body and get anyone away from me:

or special lightning bolt hands!

Escaping to an underwater world…

or a pool in the middle of a pretty field…

If you’re curious, you can try something simple if an unpleasant memory comes up, either in your mind or body:

• picture a place that feels even slightly better, maybe somewhere in nature

• notice colors, textures, temperature

• stay there for a few breaths

You don’t have to force anything.

Just see what shifts.

I’m also offering 1:1 sessions where we can explore this together through imagination and art, if you want to try together.

I am so grateful for imagination, because it’s always there.

We can use this amazing (free) tool for so many things.
This is just one of the incredible ways I’ve found it helpful.

Lots of love and thank you for being here.

xx Bri

Justin ran out to do some errands which meant a few solo hours at home for me.

I planned to get into something creative.

Someone asked me a while ago to teach them my midjourney process and I was like…wait, do I even know how to explain it?

My process is usually pretty fluid, but I do notice some repeatable steps, so if you’re down for the ride, let’s see where this goes.

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prepare to zig zag a little :)

Justin (he does woodworking) and I are thinking about doing a little collab with a piece of furniture or a sculpture, so that’s been swirling around in my imagination.

You will see where this process leads me to at the end of the post…where I break down simple tips.

STEP 1: Start with a loose idea

This is a process for when I want to mix it up and make something just to inspire myself. I use AI as a tool to help me visualize what’s in my mind.

I usually start with a loose plan and follow the thread. if it starts to feel forced or not fun, that’s when i pivot.

I find it’s more fun to throw it in another direction than try to control it. especially when the goal is just to have fun and be creative.

The Entry point: the other day my friend natalie told me about a dream she had where she was inside a giant mailbox and these crazy big envelopes were coming through the slit above her head and the floor was glowing.

I liked that as a mental image and wanted to see it come to life like a photoshoot.

I spent a few minutes looking for photos that would show the concept in some way.

then I take a screenshot of the “moodboard.” which in this case is just a couple of images in Bridge to help shape the scale.

I upload the image of the moodboard into chatgpt and string together some of my go-to prompts mixed with this mailbox concept written out.

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I got some pretty pottery at an estate sale. I love them. We’re starting a renovation project soon and I’m gonna let these inspire the shelves.

It felt like perfect timing, because I’ve been thinking about bodies a lot lately.

Someone asked me “How can we be kinder to ourselves?” the other day in one of my ask me anything posts.

My mind went straight to my inner critics, the body shamers.

A few weeks back I asked for tips on loving your body and received 1000’s of messages. So many people struggle with this, it’s wild. The majority of the answers were:

Here were a few…

Before my period I usually gain 6 or 7 pounds. My body feels uncomfortable, bloated, but more than that, my mind has a lot of rude commentary and can spiral me out.

“you’re so gross.” “ugh look at you.” “cover yourself up.” “how could you let yourself get here?” “hide.”

All from a few pounds, it’s so sad.

Granted, I’m not 125 pounds like I used to be, and my mind loves to remind me of it. I say back, yeah dude, I’m 40. I’m happy, i’m doing my best. lay off.

In the shower the other day I “asked” my stomach a question. I put my hands and awareness there and waited for what felt like a response. It sounds a little nuts, but it works in an abstract way.

“Do you like yourself?”

The answer felt neutral. slower. looser.

“yes.”

When I asked my mind (as if I didn’t already know what it would say), it jumped in fast.

“no. not good. could be way better.”

I asked, “whose voice is this? who are you?”

It felt like there were a lot of them.

We all know society, our families, the toxic boyfriend, the blunt grandparent, TV, media… it comes from all angles, so of course it’s loud.

I can imagine it’s some deep-rooted belief we carry as women, like we won’t be accepted, won’t belong, won’t be chosen, will die alone type shit.

Maybe these parts think they’re protecting us. helping.

But they’re really just beating us down. They need new roles.

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Because underneath all that swirling noise, my body actually likes my body.

My body doesn’t mind my stomach sticking out when I sit down or the cellulite on my legs.

It doesn’t want to suck in or clench.

It wants to let go, lay, be touched, stretch, enjoy.

If I had to give that feeling a color (something I do a lot), I’d say green or yellow.

Natural. free. easy. open.

Like Hillie just chillin…

I want to look at my photos and see the joy, the smiling, the love. I hate that I tighten up when I see a photo of myself, my attention going straight to the wrinkles between my eyebrows now, or my “weak chin” a family member pointed out when I was a kid, something I’ve struggled with since.

I’m working on it, it’s better than my 20’s that’s for sure.

So I guess when I think of an answer for how I can be nicer to myself, it would be - to try to talk to my body more. To balance out the noise.

Asking my body what it wants, what it needs, how it feels. say thank you to it more often.

Going to dance class with friends. Stretching while we’re watching TV at night. Being outside in the grass. Just taking it easy. Smiling or dancing in the mirror. Slowing down to breathe. Touching my stomach instead of looking away. Imagine feeling held. Giving long hugs.

I hate how corny this stuff can sound, but I’m getting over that. It doesn’t feel cool to be so hard on ourselves and keep everything in.

What do you think, how can we be kinder to ourselves?

xxBri

I recently wrote a post about some of the projects that’ve been in the works, and Do the Dots is one I’ve been slowly building over the past few years.

It really came out of necessity for me at the time.

My PTSD symptoms had really flared up for about a year and a half and I started getting these intense trigger attacks. I’d been doing trauma therapy, but I did not have enough tools to understand what was happening in my body in between sessions.

These felt kind of like panic attacks… but also not really.

There was this strong physical component that I had never experienced. I’d love to know if you’ve ever had something similar.

Out of the blue, my muscles would cramp up in my hands or legs.
Tears would be streaming down my face, & they didn’t feel like present-day tears.
Sometimes my legs would shake, my face would contort and pull to the side and it would look like I was having a seizure almost.
My awareness would just sort of float away and suddenly I felt very young and scared.

It was really hard in the beginning. I felt powerless, confused and just kept feeling like…when is all this going to end?!

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One day I went to my general practitioner to make sure I wasn’t having some kind of neurological issue, and the trigger attack happened on the exam table in front of her.

She frantically ran into the hall yelling for an ambulance because she thought I was having a seizure.

Through my locked hands, fluttering eyes, shaking body, and cramped up face I managed to say, “It’s okay. This is normal.”

She looked at me and said, “Honey, this is not normal.”

A nurse came in, put her hands on my shoulders, and we took some deep breaths together for about a minute. My muscles released, my face returned to normal, and the doctor just stood there looking kind of stunned.

It was just another wave for me.

She said she could tell I was conscious in there, even if it didn’t look like it, and she wasn’t worried. I didn’t get a lot of information, and I don’t think she’d seen it before.

I did have this deep knowing that it was okay.
That my body needed to do this.
And that it would pass.

Luckily it has.

Occasionally I still get one out of the blue, but I’m really happy it feels like my body is leveling out now.

Over time, I started noticing a pattern.

If I let it happen…
if I didn’t fight it…

something would move through.

Almost every time, after a few minutes (especially if Justin was there to help me)
I would yawn.
I’d feel lighter.
My vision would get clearer.
and it would feel like there was suddenly more space inside.

That’s when I started thinking about it differently.

Not like something was wrong,
but like my body was coming out of a freeze state.

Unthawing.

Doing what it needed to do back then, but couldn’t.

I started tracking it. I became fascinated.

If it happened, I’d grab a notebook or my iPad and just observe. I was testing dual awareness in real time.

Where is it in my body?
What does it feel like?
What does it look like?
What helps it move faster?

One thing that kept working was bringing some of my attention to the present.

Color.
Texture.
Something visually pleasing or grounding.
Balancing it with a neutral or positive sensation.

And then the wave would pass faster.

I basically became a somatic data collector :)
Using art to make sense of them.

I started pulling from everything I’d been learning. Somatic Experiencing, EMDR, color psychology, neuroaesthetics… and slowly shaping something I could use in those moments.

Do the Dots was born.
…first from a need, then interest, then passion and a real desire to help others who are struggling. It’s scary to not have the support you need. It’s overwhelming how expensive and tiring the process can be.

People need more simple tools to help. So I have been trying to create one of my own to share.

I would love if this space became a bit of a focus group for the dots :)

Below is a little animation I made to explain how to try the exercise if you want to experiment.

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I’m still reading No Bad Parts, (such a great book and method, i really recommend) I read it a little at a time so I can really try the practices and get in touch with different parts of myself.

If you’re unfamiliar, parts work is basically the idea that we all have different younger “parts” within us, often shaped by childhood, pain, protection, or old experiences. These parts can quietly run the show more than we realize, influencing our reactions and decisions as they try to keep us safe, even when they accidentally block us from things we truly want.

What’s cool is that once we get to know these parts and they learn to trust us, they tend to relax and stop trying to control the narrative of our lives. They are basically just stuck in the past and need our help updating to the present.

My favorite way to communicate with my parts is through drawing.

Sometimes we start with words, but eventually it usually turns into, ok this is more fun if we move into color-and-texture land instead, and we communicate that way. It’s our shared language.

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Recently I’ve been getting to know this part of me that feels around 3rd grade.

I can tell she’s around 8 or 9 because I can sense her silly nature, her shyness, and I can feel the embarrassment in my face.

That might sound kind of funny, but one thing No Bad Parts talks about is how parts often reveal themselves through images, emotions, body sensations, memories, or just an intuitive knowing.

For me, I can literally feel her spirit in my face. My chin pulls toward my neck, my shoulders rise a little, and suddenly I recognize that embarrassed feeling in my body.

Then an image of 8 or 9-year-old me starts to appear more clearly.

In the book they call these emotions or sensations “trailheads” that you can follow. So I am going to show you where we went tonight…

Going to tuck the rest behind the paywall because this one feels a little extra vulnerable/live-process for me, and I like keeping some of these more personal reflections in a smaller circle. ♡

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Simply put PMDD is…

• Like PMS, but much more intense

• It happens because your brain/body has a strong reaction to the normal hormone shifts before your period

• Symptoms usually show up in the 1 to 2 weeks before your period and improve shortly after bleeding starts

Common PMDD symptoms:

• extreme irritability / rage

• anxiety or panic

• depression / hopelessness

• feeling overwhelmed or out of control

• crying easily

• fatigue / brain fog

• physical bloating, breast tenderness, headaches

Yep. Those check out.

Every month, for almost two full weeks I feel tested, tired, overwhelmed, and not like myself.

Tasks become harder. My tolerance is lower. Folding clothes, feeding myself, brushing my teeth, listening to my partner talk about things like insulation. Going outside when it’s not warm yet. Someone giving long, drawn out verbal instructions.

I just want silence and comfort.

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I feel bad about myself that I can’t just easily snap out of it. That I can’t seem to muster energy or patience or access my natural state of being. That I take things more sensitively and feel 13 again.

I’ve tried an antidepressant. It helps some, but also takes away labido and just doesn’t seem to help me that much.

Then my period comes and oh, there I am again. The filter of annoyance dissipates and reality becomes manageable again. Enjoyable, hopeful, inspiring, energizing!

Get me off this monthly rollercoaster, please.

I guess I just wanted to vent about it :)

Sometimes just expressing how shitty something feels can help.

It did actually, thanks for listening. xo

Bri

I keep a running album on my phone called the good place where I keep memorable moments from trips, photos I can feel the joy in, and people I love to see their smile. It always lifts my spirits to to scroll through it.

I was looking through the album today and saw some photos I’ve taken over the years that gave me a good feeling. I thought I would share a few in case you’re looking for a new phone wallpaper :)

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Download them below…

Download Endless Tulips Here

Download Psychedelic Flower Dream Here

Download Kaleidoscope Kinda Day Here

Download The Path Going Somewhere Here

Download A Sunset in Palm Springs Here

I hope you are having a great week.

Big Hug,

Bri

I guess I was scared. Or shy?
Maybe I got burnt out or just needed to hide for a while.
I’m still not totally sure.

But lately I’ve been feeling this clarity and confidence forming around my career path that feels really hopeful. Like all these pieces are starting to make sense and click in my brain. It’s helping me feel like this crazy journey was worth it.

I spent 5 years deep in my inner world.
Trying things. Healing. Experimenting. Searching. Spiraling back again.
Figuring out what actually helps when you’re in it.

There was so much wandering.
A lot that didn’t quite land.
Projects or partnerships I put a lot of time into… that just didn’t work out.
Moments where I felt like, Okay!! This is it!!!
Other times I just had to laugh and cry at how lost & back at square one I felt.
My ego kicking and screaming.
My future self reminding me it’s okay to go slow, it’s okay to take time.

Is this really what a career transition feels like?! Stretching my very being!? (dramatic, but also true haha)

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But one thing kept showing up over and over:

Creativity isn’t extra.

It’s not just a hobby or a luxury. It’s not only for certain people.
It doesn’t need to be pretty or perfect or for anyone else.

It’s a way through.

A language.
A tool that helps a lot.
A way to feel better.
A way to move something through the body.
A way to sit with what’s heavy, and begin to make sense of it.

That’s what I’ve been building from, because it’s been so true in my own life.

I’m feeling really open and inspired these days, and excited to work with others, so if something here connects, I’m interested in where it could lead us.

A lot of friends and family ask, “So what do you actually do for work?” It always makes me laugh, because I guess they are right, I am never very clear about it. So let’s get clear & come out of the shell!!

Here’s what’s been going on in my world lately:

Do The Dots

Do The Dots is a simple visual practice I’ve been developing that’s all about working with our emotions in real time. It’s something that helps you calm down and find relief mentally or physically.

This is something I’ve been designing from my own experience with panic attacks, flashbacks, and triggers. I’ve blended together different techniques from my work with EMDR, somatic therapy and neuroaesthetics and created a 90 second tool that really helps!!!

Right now we’re building this into a VR experience with a lab at MIT, with the hope of testing it in hospital settings first and expanding from there.

I’ve put a lot into this because I really care about making support feel more accessible. The world is going through such a hard time.

Creative Direction

I love taking a feeling or idea and making it come alive, bringing in artists, shaping worlds, building immersive experiences.
I truly light up doing this work.

Last year, I creative directed a holiday experience with Eater in NYC, transforming a Soho loft into an immersive, multi-room holiday home, each room with its own theme. You can see some behind the scenes here.

If you have a feeling, vision, or a strange idea that wants to come to life, let’s chat!

Creative Workshops

I’ll hopefully be offering workshops soon. I miss teaching!
Simple, process-based ways to feel better through art, color, sensation, play.

You can book a 1:1 session this month with me if you want to explore expression through art & visualization together. you can use the code LUCKY for 25% off for subscribers <3

This is something I’m continuing to build out, both in small group settings and larger formats.

In the meantime, I’ve been loving sharing practices here that I use in my own life to feel my best. Let me know if there’s anything you would like to see or know about :)

And then there’s everything in between.

Cooking, entertaining, renovations, travel, psychedelic education, photoshoots, unexpected collaborations.
I’m open.

I’m excited about this new path.
I’m especially interested in working with people exploring creativity, healing, and immersive experiences.

If any of this resonates and you’re looking for a creative partner, I would love it if you reached out here: bri@briemery.com

Let’s have some fun!

Bri

(thanks for the portraits, Jenna!!)

There’s been this huge wave of stories over the past few years.

Shows, documentaries, conversations.
A kind of collective telling.

Some of them were super helpful for processing and understanding.
Some of them just left me feeling overwhelmed and pissed off.

It’s not always easy to know the difference.

I was drawn to the ones that felt human and beautiful.
The ones that offered something more than just exposure.

These three really stuck with me.
They helped me feel seen and make sense of my own experience in a deeper way.

1. Dying for Sex

I thought this show was so real and entertaining.

The friendship. The honesty. The way they show flashbacks and held something really difficult without being too much.

Justin and I both loved it.

It’s not solely focused on the abuse, it also shows connection, humor, and what it looks like to keep living and relating while moving through something hard.

2. I May Destroy You

This show was so powerful and empowering.

It captured the confusion, the memory gaps, the second-guessing, the way your mind tries to piece things together after something happens.

At times it can be intense, so I took it slowly, but it helped me understand my own experience in a way I hadn’t seen before.

3. Tim Ferriss Podcast Episode

In this episode Tim and Debbie speak about how our behaviors, patterns, and coping mechanisms often come from pain, not because something is “wrong” with us.

Just a super relatable, honest conversation between two survivors who found their way through. Loved it.

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By 2022, my friend Heather and I set out to make our own docuseries that showed women healing and the things that helped us along the way.

We were in the thick of it ourselves at the time and most likely needed more time, but it’s been a few years now and we’d still love to make this dream a reality.

If you know someone who would be interested, let’s chat. We have a cool deck to share :)

You can read a little more about the project here and watch the trailer for Beyond Within below.

I’d love to hear what’s helped you too.

So many people have experienced some form of this, and there most likely someone in your life who can understand, or at least sit with you in it.

You’re not alone.

So much love,

Bri

Hi friends.

The sun is shining today and I can feel myself slowly coming out of my funk. I’m starting to feel clearer and more hopeful again, which is always such a relief. Those phases always come with interesting lessons, but wow… they can be inconvenient as hell haha.

Yesterday I let myself move slowly. I spent some time being creative with a friend, and then later just drew and relaxed on my own while Justin was in the city with friends. That kind of quiet always helps me reset.

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The other day, I had a pretty intense trigger come up. I decided to record my screen while I worked through some of the sensations in my body. This is a practice I come back to a lot because it keeps me out of the storyline and helps me actually process what I’m feeling.

I usually find a lot of relief doing this, so I wanted to share a quick timelapse in case you want to try it too. You can use Procreate, or just a pen and paper works perfectly.

Fun fact: The Surrealists used automatic drawing, letting the hand move freely without planning, to access the subconscious.

No plan. No control. Just movement.

They believed your inner world reveals itself when you stop trying to make something “good.” I definitely would agree.

Our bodies speak in another kind of language, one of sensation, emotion, color, and movement.

See if you can tap into that, and notice what comes through.

In the video, I invite you to participate in this art project with me :)

I hope you have a great week.

Lots of love,
Bri

Trigger Warning: CSA, read when you feel safe and resourced.

Sometimes the apology we need the most never comes.

I’ve had to come to terms with that.

My dad lied to me for most of my life about things no child should ever experience. I lived in denial and confusion for decades, until one day it all surfaced at once. Even then, it took me a long time to trust my own reality again.

What confused me the most was…

How could you do this to me?
Aren’t you supposed to love me? Protect me?

How could you know how much anxiety I lived with and not feel bad?
Not apologize? Not try to make it right?

Now I see… that just might not be available to him.

Maybe he would be crushed under the shame and weight of admitting something like this. What would that mean for him? How could he recover?

It doesn’t make it right.
But I can see it now.

At some point, I realized the admittance, the accountability, the apology I needed so badly might never be coming.

I’m still accepting that.

So I choose to get creative with it. That helps me some.

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When I am really feeling that injustice intensity, I write myself an apology from him.

I’ve learned how healing it can be to even imagine receiving what I needed.

I’ve seen my brain respond many times to vivid imagination in ways that feel very real, so I build the scene as safely as I can…

I imagine him reading this letter out loud. Standing across the lawn. Lions surround me so he can’t do anything bad. My therapist is there to stand up for me. To be between us in case I freeze or start over-empathizing.

He’s scared of heights, so if he tries anything, he gets catapulted into the sky and hung upside down by his toes.

He made me feel so powerless.
It’s nice to imagine having all the power now.

You can try this too. You might be surprised by its effects.

Bri,

I am so sorry I hurt you. I am so embarrassed that I lied to you for so long.

You were my little girl. I loved spending time with you. And I took advantage of you. There is no excuse for that.

I hurt someone innocent who trusted me, and I am disgusted with myself.

I trapped you. I made you feel unsafe. I am so sorry.

I have tried to understand why and how I could have done this, but none of it makes it okay.

There were so many times I wanted to make it right, and I didn’t know how. I was afraid of losing you. Afraid you wouldn’t love me, wouldn’t trust me, wouldn’t see me as your dad anymore.

So I avoided it. I lied. I manipulated you because I was selfish and terrified.

I blamed your mom because it was easier than facing myself. I was a coward.

You were right all along. And you still cared for me.

You deserved so much better. You needed a father who protected you, who kept you safe, who told you the truth.

I failed you.

I am so sorry I put that weight on you. You should have never had to carry any of it.

Love,

Dad

Tears are here. Those matter.

It’s confusing to love someone and also feel completely unsafe with them.

It’s okay to miss someone and want them as far away as possible.

Both can be true.

Slowly making sense of it the best I can.

I hope you know, you deserve all the love and safety too. You deserve to feel cared for and protected. We all do.

I hope you have that now in your life.

Love,

Bri

Read more here.

Anyone else obsessed with Google Slides? They’re such a great place to document feelings and ideas in a quick, non-verbal way.

I started making these feelings decks a while ago and thought I would show you my process for making a safety deck :) This is a tool I like to keep in my back pocket if I am ever feeling triggered or dysregulated.

A lot of times when a big emotion hits, we can have all the tools in the world, but lose access to them because overwhelm, or anger, or sadness crashes into us like a wave. So we need quick easy tools for when that happens.

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This is a little art project that’s fun to put together and a small place to come back to when things feel like too much.

I recorded my screen below so you can watch me build it, but here’s the process broken down into a few easy steps first.

1. When you think of the words: safe, comfortable, cozy, calming… what images come to mind for you? (For me it would be things like: soft fuzzy textures, grass and trees, my grandma, cuddling with Justin and Hillie.)

   ---

2. Now I want you to go on a little scavenger hunt for images and GIFs that give you that feeling (like 5-10 mins). If you have an image that came to mind from #1, type the word into Giphy or Pinterest and see what resonates.
   
   Sometimes it’s the silliest, weirdest one. Go with that. Sometimes just typing “hug” and seeing a bunch of images helps.
   

   The important part is to check in with your body while you’re searching. What makes your body relax a little? What gives you that ahhhh yes feeling? What speed feels right for you? What texture makes you feel comforted?
   

   All these choices are specific to you and your nervous system, which is so cool and personal. Making these choices gives us agency and a sense of control, which is nice when things feel out of control.

   ---

3. Make a folder of all the images and gifs you collected. Don’t worry about having a ton, or having the exact right picture. Keep it light and intuitive.

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4. Here’s where you can join me or make your own private deck. Feel free to add a page into this deck with what makes you feel safe. Often, seeing what helps other people helps us too. You can put your name on it, be anonymous, or make a blank one that is just for you. I would love to see yours, really!!
   

   Drag and drop the images into a simple collage. Try not to overthink it, just go with what feels right.

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5. Check in. How does it feel to look at it? Did you feel any comfort from the process? Do you notice any subtle shifts?

   ---

6. Anytime you feel triggered, anxious, or overwhelmed… you can pull up your safety deck and take a moment with it.

Try it out and see what happens. I’d love to see what you create.

Have a wonderful week, big hugs!! x

Bri

I’ve been in such a rut the past few weeks.

In this strange in-between place that feels restless and uncomfortable.

I have ideas and inspiration, but when it comes to acting on any of it, I just freeze.

Sitting on my heating pad on the couch, zoning out.

I can’t seem to summon the energy to cook, to create, to answer friends’ calls.

There is just a feeling of deep sadness.

It feels like i’m impatient to get somewhere.

I don’t even know where that is.

So here’s where I am gonna try to take my own advice.

Just feel what’s here. Be uncomfortable. Be confused. Be sad. It’s okay.

What I usually do with uncomfortable emotions is imagine them as a color, a texture, or a body sensation.

It helps me process without spinning into a storyline.

So, let’s try it.

I feel sadness in my face, my chest and my arms. It stops at my stomach.

It feels heavy. Pulling downward.

The color is dark blue. The texture is like dense mud.

There’s a tingling in my eyes when I notice those things.

It feels a little hard to breathe.

Then I usually find a spot on my body that feels better than that.

My knees.

They feel neutral. Purple. Still. Loose.

I hold my awareness there a little longer.

That makes my eyes water a little. Just noticing.

I ask the sad, blue, dense feeling, what do you need?

I hear: no pressure.

I reply in my mind, okay, I hear you.

I can breathe a little deeper.

I hold my attention on my purple, light, still knees.

They have this hopeful air about them. Like they’re saying, I can help.

I ask, how?

They send me a few images: spring, smiling, flowers.

Reminding me of a bigger picture.

Thank you. That helps a little.

It may not be a huge shift, but it’s something.

This is how I process, bit by bit.

ps. research in neuroscience shows us that when we notice and stay with body sensations, we support the brain’s natural ability to process and regulate emotion. how cool is that? :)

xx

Bri

One of my husband’s many talents is finding amazing music. His library of knowledge is impressive! I tend to stick to the same 100 songs because I love knowing the words and the nostalgia haha. So I always look to him for all the good playlists.

This one is for getting into a meditative, creative zone. One of those zones where you lose track of time and just float away into playfulness and exploration. Aren’t those just the best? Music definitely helps to take me there.

Ps. this is a good trip playlist too :)

Hope you enjoy the playlist. Thanks Justin!! <3

Have fun!!!

Bri

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